Yet something happens at a certain age or with a certain experience that turns people into parents that drive their kids (and children-in-law) insane. What is it, and how can it be prevented?What makes a person transition from relatively sane young person into an overbearing parent?
There is a natural conflict between teens and young adults' need to be independent and their parents desire to help and protect them. I sometimes catch myself making suggestions that my grown kids don't need or appreciate. Recently I pointed out that my son should get his hair cut and get some new clothes for a job interview. Did I need to tell him that at age 21? Of course not. But I forget sometimes. It's hard to stop being a mom.
I try to prevent it by trying to see myself through their eyes. What would they want or need me to do in any given situation? It's usually pretty obvious when I look at it that way. What makes a person transition from relatively sane young person into an overbearing parent?
Credit given in following text:
Annual Review of Psychology
Vol. 52: 197-221 (Volume publication date February 2001)
(doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.52.1.197)
PERSONALITY
David C. Funder 颅
Department of Psychology, University of California, Riverside, California, 92521; e-mail: Funder@citrus.ucr.edu
鈻?Abstract Personality psychology is as active today as at any point in its history. The classic psychoanalytic and trait paradigms are active areas of research, the behaviorist paradigm has evolved into a new social-cognitive paradigm, and the humanistic paradigm is a basis of current work on cross-cultural psychology. Biology and evolutionary theory have also attained the status of new paradigms for personality. Three challenges for the next generation of research are to integrate these disparate approaches to personality (particularly the trait and social-cognitive paradigms), to remedy the imbalance in the person-situation-behavior triad by conceptualizing the basic properties of situations and behaviors, and to add to personality psychology's thin inventory of basic facts concerning the relations between personality and behavior.
**************************************鈥?Now my interpretation:
How they were raised, how you were raised...environmental, educational, genetics, ( LOL, being aggravated by their parents and then comes along their children) What goes around, comes around. Oh how I love to tell that to my kids when their kids are brats.
A lot of times we encounter problems in many things during our lives and when we see our children doing the same we try to prevent them from the suffering by telling them what or how to do it. You will do it too if you love your grown kids and want to spear them the suffering. It is hard to stand by and see them with their regret.
Anna del C.
Author of ';The Elf and the Princess';
and ';Trouble in the Elf City';
i know...my biggest fear is turning into my mom ='(
we are not very close and never have been. i want a better relationship w/ my kids. but sometimes, i catch myself doing things/reacting like my mother would....scary. ugh.
to try to prevent it, i try to remember how i felt when my mom/ step-dad/ dad/ g-parents did certain things.
Again its called child-birth and the only prevention is NOT to have children.
it's called childbirth.
They have offspring.
Too many parents have trouble with the concept that their children are separate individuals who deserve respect, regardless of whether they're a year old or forty years old. Parents often treat children in a way they would never treat anyone else.
It can be hard to get through to someone who thinks what you say doesn't matter, but some parents may be more willing than others to consider their grown child's input.
My approach would be, I think, making it good and clear - maybe when the parent is on the phone and the conversation is ';just in general'; (rather than about the issue, itself) that nobody was to do anything at all in my house. If that didn't work I'd politely and directly discuss the issue and say something like, ';Mom, I appreciate that you're trying to help; but I'm someone (maybe like you were) who really wants to handle things in the house myself.';
This may be the coward's the way out, but I'd do something similar with being criticized in general. I'd start with a general discussion about how I wasn't in the market for anyone's opinions. If that didn't work, I'd probably say something like, ';Mom, if I said that kind of thing to you would you like it?';
(What makes it happen is children grow up, do their own thing, and are no longer under the control of parents when it comes to their rooms and clothes and hair. It can be the first time in their life that parents are faced with their sons or daughters doing something they'd do differently, and not all parents know that there's a point where you just go with what your son or daughter does (and that your opinion should only be given if asked).
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